Who shared my number? Why phone etiquette and privacy still matter

This story has significance for readers across Kenya and beyond.

What you need to know:

- Basic phone etiquette is about more than timing calls; it is about respecting people’s privacy, time and personal boundaries.

- Before calling a stranger, introduce yourself, explain why you are calling and remember that their number is private information.

My first lesson about phone etiquette came from my mother. I was 17 years old. I had my phone on my ear, calling someone who was not picking. It was after 9pm. The lesson was that I should not call people who are older than me after 8pm, except if I had a real emergency.

Although I am now an adult who does not take phone instructions from my mother, I do not call people after 8pm except when it is an emergency connected to work, or I am speaking to a close friend, or family.

Beyond just looking at the clock before calling, it became a lesson of consideration and respect. The other lessons I have learned about using my phone have built on that, such as, instead of leaving someone with 16 missed calls, leave a message after the first call goes unanswered. However, two recent incidents had me questioning whether respect is still a thing in phone engagements.

I got a WhatsApp message from a strange number. She introduced herself with one name, and then went ahead to mention the person who had given her my contact, again using one name. Her message asked when I would be available for a phone call. I had no idea who she was or why she was texting me because her message did not have an introduction. The message gave the impression that I was in touch with whoever had given her my phone number, and I was fully briefed about the phone call we were to have. I texted back to say I had no idea what the phone call was about.

She texted me an overview of what she wanted us to talk about. Besides the fact that I was dealing with many moving parts at work, whatever she needed was completely out of my scope. I apologised and said I was not able to get on a call with her that afternoon. Her response was unexpected, “Do you work in the media?” I left it on ‘read’. I found it interesting that she had not done the most basic research about the person she was reaching out to.

I thought I had seen it all until the colleague I went to share this episode with turned out to have been going through her own version, which was worse. She was dealing with a rude caller who had decided that she did not even need to introduce herself properly because whoever had given her my colleague’s number was a ‘big shot’ in their industry.

“She shared an opinion piece that she doesn’t want edited. She called to give me a stern warning that nothing in her article should change,” my colleague said. We laughed together because even stories or pieces by editors are edited. The irony of it all! The person wanted to publish an opinion piece but started the relationship with an editor by behaving as though editorial processes do not apply to her.

Our conversation went back to basic phone manners and respect. When I asked my colleague what she planned to do with her caller who neither understood how media works nor had the humility to ask for guidance, her answer was clear: “I am waiting for her to calm down and understand that I do not report to her boss. Once that happens, I will guide her through the process of filing an opinion piece – and give her the right email address to send her piece to.”

These incidents also reminded me why common sense tells us that you should not share someone’s phone number without letting them know. Firstly, informing them is simply a sign of respect. Secondly, the person whose number you are sharing does not necessarily have the same level of comfort with the stranger you are giving it to as they do with you. It is, therefore, simply a matter of courtesy.

I have had my number shared without my knowledge before, but I think the reason it has never been a major issue for me is that when I receive the calls or text messages, people are usually clear about why they are reaching out. Many times, I do not even bother to ask where they got my number. Still, I believe it should be standard practice to let someone know before sharing their contact details. Over to you: What phone behaviours do you think people should stop?

Reporting originally appeared via Nation Africa. Read the full source for additional context.