Here’s why motherhood stops becoming ‘that serious’

This story has significance for readers across Kenya and beyond.

I was watching Leanne Morgan’s 2023 comedy special: Leanne Morgan: I'm Every Woman, and was especially tickled when she confessed that by the time she became a mother for the third time, parenting had exhausted her so much, she pretty much allowed her strong-willed daughter free rein.

In a household where her first two were not allowed to use even the mildest of abusive words, when her third child developed the habit of throwing in four-letter words into conversations, the most her worn-out mother could manage was give her a side-eye, much to the shock of her eldest two - how was their small sister repeatedly getting away with murder?

Of course, comedians are allowed liberal use of poetic license, so the narrative must have been exaggerated, but there was truth in her experience, which told me that most parents, no matter which part of the world they come from, go through more or less the same experiences when bringing up their children.

My first got all of my attention, to the extent that I barely slept even when he was asleep himself. I was an anxious first-time mother, and would check on him every 30 minutes to ensure he was breathing. I hovered over him like a hawk, and for quite some time, almost all my conversations with him had the word 'don't'. A little wind and I would rush for a sweater.

By the time I got my second-born, I had calmed down considerably, and even though I hovered around and was somewhat over protective, I allowed my daughter some freedoms that her brother never got. But only because I had learned, for instance, that a little cold never killed anyone and that children don’t die when they sleep. And when she fell, my heart didn’t stop beating like it used to.

When my third-born came, like Leanne, I was exhausted not only from the many demands of being a mother of two young children, but also from constantly being worried and anxious about their welfare and whether I was doing the right thing. I therefore allowed him to get away with murder, so to speak, and still mostly do, much to the chagrin of his older siblings, who sometimes accuse me of favouritism.

They point out that I’m too lenient with him, that I ignore behaviour I would have disciplined them for. And since my older two will read this, I want them to know that it has nothing to do with favouritism. I have simply evolved as a mother, drawing from the experience of raising them, and more important, that I have learned to choose my battles. I therefore don’t see the reason why I should reprimand him for sometimes responding with “Bruh!” when I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to. I also allow him to choose whether to wear a sweater and socks or not, whatever the weather.

And rather than argue with him, which he likes to do because he is strong-willed, I simply allow him to do whatever he wants to, as long as it’s within reason. Just this week, I informed him that I planned to take him to the barbershop to get a haircut since his hair is untidy, to which he replied that he didn’t want to get one, that he liked his hair the way it was. I shrugged and moved on to other things, only for my eldest to exclaim, “Mum!” in disbelief. I told him to relax, and pointed out that the world would not end if one small boy failed to get a haircut. I have really evolved in this motherhood journey…

Reporting originally appeared via Nation Africa. Read the full source for additional context.